dear-world

Back on the horse..

Mon, 23 May 2011 07:04:17 +0100

Dear World,

So it's been way to long since I've checked in with you. Truth is I haven't been doin shit. I swear I'm my own worst enemy. Just recently Google AdSense disabled my account. Was I clicking on my own ads? maybe a little. But shit, I was just tryna move things forward a little faster. Anyways, that got me all discouraged like my master plan wasn't working. Anthony finally got his guard card in, and he's all excited about getting a job. I'm like, maybe I should just get a job. I'm still struggling on the mic, I haven't lost any weight, and now, I can forget about any money I had hoped would begin to support my business. I'm like who do I even think I am? I'm 23 with two kids, struggling to pay my rent and I think I can just up and start my own entertainment company with a hand full of recording equipment and intermediate recording skills. It would be really easy to go down hill and give up from here, and for a little while I really was like, ugh, what am I gonna do with my life? But then I thought, and then I prayed. See the only reason I started this is because I really believed I could make it happen. With God all things are possible, so I'm like, I can be a Super Star! It's 11:22 Sunday night and I'm back on the horse. Scratch what I was supposed to have done, I've got a new plan moving forward.

1. I have got to get this weight off. It is killin me, I am way to sexy inside to not feel it on the outside. I took some video shots of me in some swim wear, yesterday, while me and the studio fam were at the river, no bueno. That's just not fair0 to me so I've got to get it under control. Starting right now [fuck tomorrow's] I'm on a 30 day weight loss challenge. I'm tryna loose 20 pounds in the next 30 days. That'll make a big difference in my life. It'll be much easier on the camera, but most importantly, it'll be much easier on my self esteem. No more 'stuck in a ruts' I'm sexy!

2. I'm focusing on the music. The money will come, but for now, I will just let God provide. He knows my heart, He knows what I'm tryna do. He's given me the gift and the drive so there's no reason to worry about the road. My immediate goal for THE Studio House is to start performing. I want to start connecting with people on a real level. The mic is scarey, honestly, but I come a live on stage. I love to have the attention of a crowd, It's the greatest high and I just wanna move an audience [hopefully in a hot sexy body ;].

and 3. well my kids need me. It's so hard tryna pursue your dreams when your main focus should be on building up your children. They're not gonna stay little, and they only get one chance at this life just as I. It's my responsibility to make sure that they get the best chance, and the best start in life begins with a loving relationship with their parents. I refuse to be continuously distracted by my desires. I need balance. So my new rule is that, mommy doesn't work until 2:00 o'clock. I'll check my stats in the morning, but then it's kids all they way until nap time. After nap a little play, dinner and chill-axin. As long as I manage my time I'll be able to do all the things I wanna do.

Alright, it's gettin late, and I'm gettin hungry which means I need to get in bed.

Until the next time [which will be sooner than later]

Sitten in class..

Fri, 06 May 2011 04:52:35 +0100

Dear World,

I'm sitten here in this math class at Heald College. I'm so bored, I hate percentages. It's alright because I got a lot of work done online. Just looked into possibly performing at The Home Grown Soul Show. I've seen the show a few times and it's pretty good. Basically it's like kareoke, but with a live band. I inquired about performing some originals, I hope they get back to me soon. When I get home I'm headed straight to the mic. I need to get some more performace material laid down. It's been so hectic since hubby and I started back to school, we've barely even gottin any work done. I need to make yet another schedule specifically for the studio so everyone can get a single down for the compilation. I'm not trying to feel hella pressure at the last minute and I'm tryna start performing and pushing our compilation album in June. damn, it's already the 5th of May. I think the pressure is on...

Not enough time in a day..

Thu, 05 May 2011 19:45:30 +0100

I've got so many things going on right now my head is spinning. I woke up late today and that has really put me behind. I have school tonight so I'm crunching for time. I'm almost trying to do to many things at once, but I'm sure God has a plan for it all. I just launched a new group on Face book. It's called Passion Fuel, a place for women to interact and exchange ideas. Only a few people have participated so far, but I think it will be beneficial for anyone who participates. I mean, a place where you can share your experiences, and journey to self discovery. I know I like that idea... Some people are haters though. It's really hard for women to see other women shine with out feeling a little bit jealous, I'm guilty of this to ( that's why I always stay on top of my game), but I just try not to let it interfere with the opportunity to collaborate on an idea.

I really want to start performing in June, but I don't really know how to go about booking a show at a club. My plan was just to go down there and represent, but I don't know. I need to complete some of these projects I've been sitting on. My best material is not even recorded, funny how that happens. What we really need is some mix and mastering up in here. Hubby does a pretty good job, but he only know some of what needs to be done. I just can't wait to get on that stage. That's where I shine best, in front of a crowd. I have 0 stage freight (as long as I am prepared). Being in front of people with all of their attention is a like a rush, it's the greatest high. That's why I want to be famous. I want to hold the attention of an audience and spit the wisdom that God has given me. I hope That I am received well. I mean, all of my strength comes from God, but some times my behavior is unchristian... It's a real life struggle, I'm tellin you THE DEVIL IS REAL.

Hubby just came home so Im'a cut this one short. It's 12:30, I need to exercise and the kids need to go outside before they tear up my house.. I hope I can get on the mic before I have to get ready for school.

Until the next time..

I HEART my supporters..

Getin' it together

Tue, 03 May 2011 19:08:58 +0100

Dear World

I need to get it together. Now that I've established my household as a business I have to tighten my game up. I'm really big on networking and meeting other people who are in the business. I just started The Sacramento Music Network, it's a group on face book directed towards entertainers of all genres. I hope to have a lot of members so we can all interact with each other. I've learned very quickly that in this industry it's important to have a lot of friends in the business, but even more quickly I've learned that most people in the business are in it for themselves. It doesn't have to be like that. If we all help each other everyone benefits, and further more, if we're all working together, that's less people that we're working against.

Anywayz.. Trying to build relationships with other people takes a lot of time and that's the thing I seem to keep running out of. It's almost impossible to sit at the computer for a large amount of time with my kids running around. That's why it's really important for me to start managing my time. My goals for a typical day are usually to: exercise; network online; clean the house; take the kids out to play; and study, all while integrating preparation of meals, an alternating school schedule with my husband, and a never ending traffic flow through my house. That doesn't even include writing lyrics and recording which is the driving force of my home business. I'm not complaining, this is what I want to do, I just need to get organized because I'm finding myself not doing hardly anything. It's like my head is spinning and I just waste a lot of time half-doing things and thinking about how I'm going to go about doing what I need to get done. So, my solution is to go back and take my own advice of scheduling my days by the hour [much easier said then done]. That way I'm sure to accomplish my daily tasks.

I haven't really been paying attention to my eating habits either. I haven't been eating that much just be default, but I haven't been careful about what I'm eating either. I gained 2 pounds when I was supposed to be losing 4. I exercised a lot, but you can't loose weight unless you cut calories. It's alright, I know what I got to do. Just hope i do it...

Until the next time..

I Can Fly

Wed, 27 Apr 2011 04:55:55 +0100

Dear World,

It's the day after my 23rd birthday and I've never felt more alive. Last night there was a little drama, but through it all I remained in high spirits. It wasn't that long ago when I really felt like I had made the wrong decisions for my life. I changed my life so dramatically before I even knew what I wanted. I felt limited by my situation and over whelmed by my circumstances. I wanted very much to be like other women in their early twenties; young, hot and free. Fast forward to today and I realize that all the 'mistakes' that I made were all a part of God's plan for my life.

When I really think about it, from the day I was born to this very moment I could not be who I am today with out my life going EXACTLY as it has. I have 2 kids, age 2 and 4, and let me tell you, they DRAIN my energy with all of their wants and needs. They demand my attention and don't except no for an answer, but ultimately the love they give in return for mine has no price. Motherhood has matured me in a way that no other life experience can, and for that I thank God.

Being a wife is even harder than being a mother. but even after struggling financially, struggling, to communicate, and struggling to love each other, I know that it was God who originally joined us together. I've never had any support from my family when it comes to my relationship, I've been with my husband since I was 15 years old and they still think he isn't good enough for me. But I know I'm not crazy, and I really believe in us. It took him a while, but he has finally found his calling, and that's right here in the music. Starting this company together is not only a big step in the direction our lives are headed, but a huge step in keeping us on the same page. I thought that I had out grown him, but through the music we've grown closer. Marriage is HARD but with God all things are possible.

Even this, this dream that most people would call ridiculous to REALLY believe in. But I have no doubt, NOT ONE doubt that myself, and the people who commit themselves to my team, will be successful. Not because I 'm so great, but because I have petitioned it to the Lord and truly stepped out on faith. So on this post- Easter, day after my birthday, evening, I challenge you, world, to feel secure in the fact that through all of your past trials and your future tribulations God has your back. He's got a plan for you, and not only will he give you what you need, he will fulfill your hearts desires. Let me make it clear that I am not perfect by ANY means, but Jesus is in me heart, and the Holy Spirit guides my mind, therefore I can step out on faith, and fly...